Airedale terminology

Harry and Cassidy posted this on their site. Thanks guys! I’ll keep it for further translations.

AIREHEAD
A not-so-bright Airedale or more commonly, an Airedale that is trying to make you believe that they don’t understand something they don’t want to do.

AIRE POLLUTION
What is created when an Airedale passes gas.

AIRESINGALONG
One Airedale begins to warble, whine, howl, gargle, and make other assorted noises, often during the customary ‘whining hour’. Other Airedales in the household join in, resulting in strange and sometimes ethereal harmonies that put even the most avante garde of New Age Music to shame. Other times, though, the Airesingalong produces something more hideous even than rap music.

AIRESNAP
A quick snap of the teeth, often used to signal the Humanbeans that the Airedale WANTS to play, and wants to NOW. The action is akin to catching of bugs in flight, but there is no bug. The Airedale attacks, and kills, mere air.

AIREWAVE
The lifting of the foreleg as high as possible and held – an Airedale’s greeting when you come home

BADBEDFLOP
Some Airedales, when told they have been ‘bad’ and that they must ‘Go to Bed’ will flounce dramatically to the appointed spot, and throw themselves dowh with a loud FLOP, usually followed by an AireGlare and a PITIFULMESIGH and a POORMISERABLESADME expression, which has been crafted to arouse sympathy and guilt in the aforementioned human.

BADBEDPLOP
Same as a BADBEDFLOP only louder.

BARKFROMHISTOES
A very enthusiastic bark which eminates from the entire dog, toes to nose. THis bark can only be accomplished when the Airedale is in a state of high alertness, standing on TIPTOE with tail held high

BEARDEDBOINK
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BEARDSLIME
Slimy material found in an Airedale’s beard. Most Airedale owners prefer not to know what the BEARDSLIME is composed of.

BEARDSLOSH
The act of releasing the liquid that seems to stay in an Airedale’s beard until they manage to touch you or the furniture, instantly releasing a pint of water and BEARDSLIME.

BIGCROTCHPOKE
A BIGNOSEPOKE carefully aimed at a human’s crotch, assuring the victim’s undivided attention.

BIGCROTCHSNAP
An Airedale snapping the jaws shut near a human’s crotch. This usually gets the human’s attention.

BIGNOSEPOKE
A nose driven hard into someone by an Airedale. BIGNOSEPOKES can leave bruises anywhere they land. The most devastating example is the BIGCROTCHPOKE.

BIGPAWDEMAND
An insistent demand made by an Airedale, punctuated by pawing.

BIGPAWSLAP
Similar to a BIGPAWDEMAND, but the person is slapped by the Airedale’s paw.

BIGSIGH
A long, breathy sigh by an Airedale, usually when relaxed. This is noticeably different than a PITIFULMESIGH.

BODYSLAM
An Airedale running into a human, dog or other object using it’s entire body weight for maximum impact.

BUTTFIRSTSITANDPET
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BUTTWOBBLEPOKE
A BIGNOSEPOKE aimed precisely at the part of the gluteal area which is padded in such a way that the fatty tissue wobbles obviously. This specialized BIGNOSEPOKE is most effective when used on female humans, who might ignore a quickcrotchsnap.

COLDNOSEWHOOPIES
A favorite joke that Airedales play on humans. Step one is to get their nose as cold as possible by licking it outside when it is below freezing causing a sheet of ice to form on the nose, or just by plowing nose first through the snow. Step two is delivering a BIGNOSEPOKE with their icy nose, preferably from behind, just after the human exits the shower.

COUNTERSURFING
That art of placing the front paws on a counter or table and nosing, licking and sniffing through everything that can be reached.

COUNTERTOPLEAPANDGRAB
While COUNTERSURFING, the Airedale jumps to extend their reach, enabling them to remove objects from the back of the counter.

DESTRUCTOMANIA
Leave a bored Airedale alone with anything you value, and you will see what this means. One Airedale ate the tailgate of a Subaru in only 5 minutes. Airedale puppies have been know to eat through drywall to escape being confined in a room.

EXTRAGENTLE
A rarely seen Airedale ability. Airedales have the ability to pick up very fragile items without damaging them, if they choose. If they choose otherwise, you have DESTRUCTOMANIA.

FARTBUTT
If you have to ask, explaining it won’t help. Just give your Airedale some raw brocolli and refried beans for dinner. You should witness FARTBUTT shortly thereafter. FARTBUTT is a major source of AIRE POLLUTION.

FASTNOSELICK
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FOODFACEWIPE
Immediately after eating, many Airedales like to wipe their face. Favorite places to wipe the face include, furniture, clothing (only if being worn by someone), draperies, carpeting and walls.

FOODHOUNDSHUFFLE
This is what Airedales do when looking for crumbs on the floor. They sniff loudly and with such determination that the whiskers sweep up not only crumbs but dust moozies, lint, and small toys. In order to keep the nose at the appropriate distance from the floor, and to search efficiently, the Airedale adopts a shuffling gait.

FUZZYSNUFFLES
Affectionately nuzzling a human while inhaling. If done on the head it feels as if they are inhaling most of your hair.

GROWFING
Quick, nearly voiceless barks or brief bark like growls, usually accompanied by impatient movements of the head and forelegs. This sound signals that the dog is disgruntled about something such as the human not meeting some need such as play, food, cookies, or walkies upon first request.

GROWFANDMUTTERS
Growfing accompanied by canine muttering. Though it has not been proven, it is theorized that the muttering is actually a string of Airedale curse words.

HAIRYDOGHUG
A hug by an Airedale standing on hind legs, embracing the entire body. Best done when the Human is dressed formally. Preferably dressed in white. The Airedale enjoys this most if they have a beard and paws drenched in mud.

HARDHEADTONOSEBUTT
An extremely painful HEADBUTT where the Airedale’s head is applied forcefully to a human’s nose.

HEADBUTT
The act of forcefully applying an Airedale head to some portion of the human anatomy. Favorite targets are heads, and knees (KNEEBASHER). If applied to a human’s nose it becomes a HARDHEADTONOSEBUTT. Airedale heads are hard enough to cut diamonds, so HEADBUTTS are not to be taken lightly!

HEADDOWNHELLNO
A gesture used when the Airedale adamantly refuses to follow a request by a human. The head drops below the level of the shoulders, exposing the armored cranium, which is invulnerable to any force known to man. During a HEADDOWNHELLNO, the Airedale will not move or respond in any way, nor will it look the human in the eye.

HEYYOUBIGBARK
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HYPERDRIVE
A sudden burst of energy. An Airedale in HYPERDRIVE may do a TUCKBUTTRUN or simply run around the room touching only the walls.

ITCHYFACERUB
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JAWSOFDEATH
Refers to an Airedale’s ability to lock down their jaws with the force of a bear trap, on any object that is important to them. Usually used on favorite toys, dirty Kleenex, anything obtained by COUNTERSURFING and other equally valuable items.

KNEEBASHER
A HEADBUTT applied to a human’s knee.

KNEEBUCKLE
A method by which even a small Airedale can knock a large person to the ground. This is accomplished by running into the back of both knees, causing the knees to collapse, thus depositing the victim on the ground. An Airedale in HYPERDRIVE may deliver a HARDHEADTONOSEBUTT before the victim can recover.

LEADBUTTDROP
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LITTLEPAWSLAP
Pretty much the same as a BIGPAWSLAP, but the slapper must be a small puppy. Note that the needles they come equipped with as toenails, are as sharp as those of a tiger.

MULTIDALEMANIA
The insane belief that it is possible to maintain a “normal” household after adding a third (or post-third) Airedale.

MIGHTYHEADBUTT
Same as a HEADBUTT but delivered vigorously by a large Airedale.

MINEMOO
A mooing sound made by an Airedale, holding a favorite toy, when you try to remove the toy from it’s beartrap-like jaws. See JAWSOFDEATH.

MUZZLEWRESTLE
A game played by two Airedales, where they lay on the floor or ground and wrestle using only their muzzles.

NOISELESSBARK
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NOSEINCROTCH
A gentle warning that an Airedale gives by nuzzling a human’s crotch. If ignored it can lead to a BIGCROTCHPOKE.

NOSEART
Drawings made on glass by Airedale Terriers. They do this by drawing with their moist noses then adding texture with their beards.

NOSEPOKE
The act of poking an Airedale’s big black nose into an object, usually a human. Airedales can do this from birth. After growing to more than 20 pounds, they are capable of administering a BIGNOSEPOKE.

OHNOSLIDEANDFLOP
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PANDEMONING
The act of creating pandemonium. Airedales can do this with more ease than any other animal, other than middle school children in groups.

PITIFULMESIGH
A great, long, breathy sigh by an Airedale that feels it has been wronged by a human. Cleaning the Airedale’s ears, giving it a bath, or refusing to share your ribeye steak can cause an Airedale to give a PITIFULMESIGH.

PLAYDEADYOU’LLGOAWAY
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PLAYDEMAND
Insistent request that the Human play with the Airedale. A PLAYDEMAND takes many forms. Some Airedales use varying degrees of PAWSLAPS. Some GROWF, some sneeze and bark. None of them give up until the human gives in.

PLURALDALEMANIA
The insane belief that it is possible to maintain a “normal” household after adding a second Airedale.

POORMISERABLESADME
The expression on an Airedale’s face when making a PITIFULMESIGH.

POWERFULPAWSLAP
Same as BIGPAWSLAP but delivered more vigorously.

PUPKUS
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QUICKBUTTCRASH
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QUICKCOUNTERGRAB
The act of an Airedale quickly grabbing something off of a counter.

QUICKCROTCHSNAP
An Airedale suddenly and unexpectedly snapping the jaws shut near a human’s crotch. Guaranteed to get the human’s attention and may even cause them to go into HYPERDRIVE, like an Airedale.

REARENDWAG
Wagging the tail so hard that the entire rear end wags.

REARINYOURFACE
Airedales do not ‘say’ “IN YOUR FACE”, they act it out.

SANDPAPERKISSES
Hard, pesistent kisses from an Airedale, allowing the human to feel the coarse texture of the Airedale tongue.

SERIOUSSTALKPOSITION
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SLEIGHTOFMOUTH
How an Airedale manages to steal things you thought were unreachable.

SMARTMEHIGHSTEP
The prancing gait of an Airedale that is exceptionally proud of themself. Usually seen immediately after a SLIGHTOFMOUTH, BIGNOSEPOKE, or QUICKCOUNTERGRAB.

SMARTMESTRUT
Same as SMARTMEHIGHSTEP.

STINKYAIREPOOT
Same as FARTBUTT. The source of AIRE POLLUTION.

TEDDY PRINCIPLE
The theory, supported by a great deal of research, that Airedales will misbehave as soon as you say that they won’t.

TERRIERISTS
People who are deranged enough to choose to share their homes with Terriers, dogs that are said to be stubborn, cantankerous, contemptious, untrainable, incorrigible, and suffer from Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. Terrierists, strangely, choose these dogs, so they must get some satisfaction from their dysfunctionality.

TERRIERTWOSTEP
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TFAOP
The Finest Animal on the Planet. The Airedale Terrier, of course!

THEAIREDALELEAN
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TRYANDTAKEIT
A challenge issued by an Airedale that is wishing to prove once again that the Jaws of Death RULE. WHen a TRYANDTAKEIT is used, the Airedale will not give up the given object until the human decides it does not want the object after all. Even if this takes days, the Airedale will NOT lose face by putting the object down. Airedales have been known to become weak from hunger before giving up on a TRYANDTAKEIT.

TUCKBUTTRUN
The act of running with the hindquarters tucked down as close to the ground as possible. This is usually done by an Airedale that is very excited or in HYPERDRIVE.

TWIRLYBIRDTAIL
A form of tail wagging that is practiced by some Airedales. TWIRLYBIRDTAIL is the act of spinning the tail in a circular motion, instead of the standard back and forth motion.

WETBEARDCRUD
A solid substance found in an Airedale’s beard. WETBEARDCRUD is dried WETBEARDSLIME

WETBEARDSLIME
The moist, slimy material found in an Airedale’s beard.

WETBEARDSLURP
A kiss delivered by an Airedale with a wet beard. They like to do this immediately after drinking.

WHOLEBODYWIGGLE
The act of wagging the tail with such enthusiasm, that the entire body wags with the tail.

YOUDONTMEANMELOOK
The expression of complete innocence on an Airedale’s face when accused of COUNTERSURFING or DESTRUCTOMANIA.

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